Everyone's a Critic
by Xinsert name hereX
Summary: Logan Garvert, a rather pessimistic young adult, finds himself trapped in the world of pokemon. Can he find his way home, or will he get dragged into an even bigger mess. Bit of a parody, but focuses mostly on the adventure. Original PMD fic.
1. Logan vs The Transformation

**Hello readers, this is (insert name here), and before you go getting the wrong idea, I DO NOT share the same views as my main character. If I did, I would not be writing this story in the first place.**

**When done correctly, a PMD fic can be great, for example my new discoveries, "PMD: Ripples of Consequence" by "ArchShadow24" and "La Noire Dans Lumiere" by "Deadaleta" (Theirs are REALLY good, be sure to check them out when your done here). However, you do have to admit…most of them aren't much to look at. So, although I make fun of them constantly in this chapter, I am NOT a troll.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own pokémon, if I did…well…I honestly don't know what I'd do.**

…

I sat on my bed with my laptop in my…well…lap. Scrolling down, I found yet another PMD fic. Being that there was only a "I'm new here, please read :D" as a description, I wasn't very hopeful, but it had about as good a chance as everything else I had read today.

Taking an overdramatic deep breath, I opened the story.

…

_I began playing my new pokémon mystery dungeon game with my best friend, Kayla, looking over my shoulder. All of the sudden, lightning strikes my house and I black out._

_The next thing I know, all I can see is a bunch of swirling colors, and a deep voice comes out of nowhere._

"_Alien invaders are attacking, what will you do?"_

"_Fight."_

"_You fight valiantly, but you are defeated, the alien leader approaches you and says 'you have fought bravely, join forces with us.' What will you do?"_

"_Refuse."_

"_You seem to be the brave type, you will be the pokémon Riolu."_

_Before I know what hit me, I wake up in a field and as the voice said, I am a riolu. There is a vulpix sitting next to me._

"_Kayla, is that you?"_

"_Yeah. Where are we?"_

"_I think we're in the game."_

_All of the sudden a mightyena came charging out of nowhere and I used an aura sphere and knocked it out._

_Kayla ran up and pounced me to the ground. "Luke that was awesome."_

"_Thanks Kayla, but we should try and find the guild and become a rescue team."_

"_Ok."_

_OMG, we're in the pokémon universe. What will happen next? Leave good reviews so I can update. Kay, bye ^_^._

…

At that point, I slammed my laptop shut and began to rub my eyes. I'm used to bad PMD fics by now, but that one was just horrible. My eyes, quite literally, were burning and only one question was running through my mind.

…why?

Why is it that every time someone has a chance to write a great PMD fic, they have to ruin it with…well…THAT?

Normally, I don't mind sitting through all that crap. In fact, it makes for a good laugh every now and then. But I was seriously pissed off right now.

How can there not be one good PMD fic, NOT ONE!

They were all the same, every single one of them. I mean, sure, some details were different, but all of them centered around the same mistakes. Actually, I made a list of what not to do that I considered the "PMD Commandments".

Why do I call them that? Well, if anyone breaks them I'll be giving them such a bad flame that it'll feel like they're living in hell. Let's review them, shall we?

1. Thou shalt not be sucked into thy video game.

2. Thou shalt not use moves that your species can't normally use.

3. Thou shalt not be the most powerful fucking thing in the universe.

4. Thou shalt not make a mockery of the aura testing quiz.

5. Thou shalt not know how to use attacks right away, as thou art not that intelligent.

6. Thou shalt not call a paragraph, a "Chapter", for there are others who actually put effort into their stories.

It may be because I was in a particularly bad mood, or the fact that this…THING…had violated every rule faster then a catholic priest in a roomful of altar boys, but I didn't even have the heart to write a good flame.

Still, being the cynical asshole that I am, I forced myself to at least leave something, and simply typed.

_Try again, dumbass._

Now, I know I seem like an asshole, and I shouldn't be criticizing people on fanfiction, because…well…it's fanfiction. Even so, it's kind of become a habit by now.

My name is Logan Garvert, and I work for a local newspaper here in the small town of Woodridge IL. As you might have guessed, I'm a critic. Movies, books, music, anything that can be berated, it's my job to do so.

Don't get me wrong, I don't ONLY make bad reviews, however, for every masterpiece, there are at least 1,000 pieces of crap, so my chance of getting something good wasn't ideal.

Now, you may be wondering why a nineteen year old college drop out is reading pokemon fanfiction at one in the morning…well…

It doesn't matter anyways. Seeing how all of my hope has been diminished for the evening, I set my laptop on the floor and climbed under the covers. I wasn't really all that tired, but I really couldn't think of anything else to do.

Surprisingly though, I found my eyes growing heavy the minute I laid down, and soon enough, I was asleep.

…

The first thing I noticed when I woke up was that I wasn't in my bed…nor any recognizable environment. As far as I could tell, I was laying down in a pitch black room.

Actually, that's not entirely true. I could still see myself, so it couldn't have been pitch black. There was just nothing...

I really don't know how else to explain it. I was laying in the center of an endless black abyss.

I stood up and looked around. Not that it made a difference, as I still couldn't see anything.

Aat the risk of sounding like a cliché horror movie, I called out. "Is anyone there?"

My voice echoed back to me even though there wasn't anything for the sound to bounce off of, so I came to the most logical conclusion. I was most definitely dreaming. No problem at all, I knew exactly how to handle this.

Doing the only logical thing when in this situation…I slapped myself. But, the funny thing is, it actually hurt.

"…ok…OWWWW!"

I held the side of my face where I had injured myself, trying my best to shake it off. But, what the fuck just happened? Normally I would have woken up, made a sandwich, and gone back to bed. Why didn't-

"Greetings." A voice came out of nowhere. As soon as it spoke, my surroundings turned into the background of a music video in the 60's. Seriously, like, acid trip times tens.

So…I was either insane…or EXTREMELY high…God I hope it's the second one.

"Relax, human, you are not insane and you are most certainly not inebriated."

I snapped my head around, looking for the source of the voice, but couldn't find anyone. However, I didn't worry too much about it. After all, the fact that I couldn't see him made about as much sense as the fact that he could read my mind. "Well that's it for any of my theories, then. Wait…you called me a human…OH MY GOD I'VE BEEN ABDUCTED BY ALIENS!

"…Well…I suppose that is closer to the truth."

"I KNEW IT! Now what do you want?"

"In order for us to proceed, you must answer the following questions."

I thought about it for a second. I was kidnapped in my sleep and placed inside a room designed by Austin Powers…to answer questions? I wasn't buying it. Still, was there any point in saying no?

"Ok, fine whatever."

"Excellent. Now, be sure to answer each question honestly."

I rolled my eyes, not caring whatsoever. "Yeah, yeah, just get on with it."

"Very well, grab any digit on your right hand."

"…wait, that's not a question."

"Just do it."

"But it's not a-"

"Fine, can you grab any digit on your left hand?"

"No."

"…and why not?"

"Because it's stupid. How do you get any information whatsoever by having me grab a finger?"

"Forget it, you're not taking this seriously."

"You're damn right I'm not, and why don't you talk to me face to face instead of hiding like a pussy."

This time the voice came from directly behind me. "Fine, happy now."

I whirled around, making a startled yelp. My jaw practically hit the floor as I was face to face with my kidnapper.

The thing standing in front of me was a figure I knew all too well, an oversized blue jackal that stood on two legs.

I blinked in disbelief. "Ok…I'll bite…where's Sir Aaron?"

It didn't answer, but instead slammed its paw into my stomach, knocking the wind out of me and sending me stumbling to the ground.

As I was curled up in a ball on the ground, he stepped forward, placed the same paw on my forehead, and closed his eyes.

His body glowed for a few seconds, and then in a bright flash, he disappeared.

"H-HEY!" I gasped still trying to regain my breath, "W-where d-d-did y-you go?"

Ignoring my question completely, he went off into a rant that seemed to be completely unrelated.

"You seem to be the cynical type. You always overanalyze everything, just looking for a flaw. You can find faults with anything, even if there is nothing necessarily wrong with it. You also seem to be sarcastic and try to connect with people through wit."

"No shit Sherlock! Figure that out on your own?" I screamed, seriously pissed off at this point. He still completely ignored me, though.

"However, you don't criticize because you are a pessimist, you do it because you view yourself as a failure."

My eyes went wide at his sudden accusation. "WHAT?"

Something in my head snapped at his last comment. I had been called a failure a lot in my life, whether it be enemies, friends, or family. I tried not to let it get to me too much, but it always managed to raise my blood pressure when someone brings it up.

One thing was for sure, this lucario was heading into dangerous territory.

He continued. "You've never been satisfied with your life, wishing you've been given better opportunities whilst denying the ones that have been given to you."

"Shut up!"

"...and the reason you criticize others so harshly is because you feel better about yourself if you can convince yourself that others have failed as well. It's also why you try to make a joke out of everything. You fear that others will think less of you if they know about your choices in life, so you hide yourself behind your sense of humor, hoping to win them over."

"GOD DAMN IT, I SAID SHUT UP!"

"However, you must learn to look past this, because if people never see the real you, they are befriending a lie."

A shockwave shot through the abyss, bringing me to my knees once again. My vision went blurry as I started to sink into unconsciousness.

"A cynical person like you should be…"

I blacked out before he finished the sentence.

…

I woke up, yet again, in a place that I did not recognize at all. Not that I looked around for that long, because as soon as I opened my eyes I was completely blinded by the sun. Still from the few seconds I had my eyes open, it seemed like I was in some sort of forest.

I got up on my hands and knees, only to find that that was as far as I could go. I tried pushing up onto my legs, but only succeded in falling back onto the ground. As i got up for the second time, I felt something tap my side.

I was completely startled, but still a little glad someone was there. "Hello, whoever's there, can you help me?"

…no answer.

I was a bit confused, but then something hit me again, this time on the other side of my body.

"Whoever is doing that, it's not funny."

Once again there was no answer, followed by another tap on my side. Fed up with it, I disregarded the blinding sun and snapped my eyes open, looking over my shoulder to see who was annoying me. What I saw was…a tail.

…not just any tail…MY tail…I had a fucking tail…why do I have a fucking tail?

It was covered in black fur and the tip had a star on the end of it. Following it to the rest of my body, the back half of my body was also covered in a layer of black fur and the front was a light blue.

I looked down at my paws and…wait, I have fucking paws too…GOD DAMN IT!

Whatever…my paws had yellow bands around the forelegs.

I didn't recognize what I was, but considering the lucario and that dream world...I had good hunch.

As much as it killed me to say it…I was pokémon.

"…FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"

…

**Ok, first chapter, not much so far, just a bit of a prologue and a intro to the main character. More to come soon.**


	2. Logan vs The Swarm

**I'm BAAAAaaaack. I have to say, I didn't think this would be a very good idea when I wrote it, but I gotta thank people for the reviews. Thanks to everyone who gave this a chance and special thanks to those who reviewed.**

**Solid205- yeah I know I broke my own commandment, but I simply had to make fun of that one thing on the aura quiz, simply because it was the first question on my first PMD game and it didn't make any sense whatsoever.**

**Tanon- Yeah, Logan's personality will definitely be present throughout, and thanks for grammar tips, I'll be sure to go back and fix them soon. I'll look for a beta reader if necessary, but I at least want to try and do this on my own at first. If it keeps recurring, then I'll be sure to get one.**

**Other than that, the next few chapters will be about plot development so it won't be as comical until the story gets set up. (should be around the end of chapter 3 if everything goes as planned). Don't worry, it will still be there, just not as straight forward as it was in the first.**

"Shit fuck, shit fuck, SHIT FUCK!" I screamed at the top of my lungs as I sprinted as fast as I could through the woods.

Why was I sprinting? Well, you'd be running your ass off too if you were being chased by a swarm of beedrill.

Being that I wasn't in the best shape, my legs were already starting to tire, but feeling a poison sting hit my flank was all the motivation I needed to keep moving.

You may be wondering how I managed to fuck up so badly when I was only here for about ten minutes…well…

(Flash back five minutes)

"OK…left…right…left…shit this is hard." I said as I tripped, receiving another face full of dirt. Saying that I wasn't smart enough to know how to use moves was a complete understatement, I couldn't even _walk_ without tripping all over myself. In fact, I believe I resemble each one of my commandments, with the exception of the aura quiz thing, because boy did I fuck that one up.

However, now that I was actually _in _this situation, I could see the appeal of being an all-knowing badass. It would be extremely useful to be able to know exactly what to do in this situation, but not me…I have to fucking learn to walk.

Spitting the dirt out of my mouth, I got up and tried again, this time, much slower.

As I found out, all I really had to do was focus on my forelegs and my hind legs would just kind of follow instinctively. "There we go…" I said enthusiastically as I began to speed up the pace a bit.

Soon I was trotting around the place like I had been doing it all my life. Being over confident, I decided to try sprinting, which was a bit different, but the same thought applied. Front legs first, back legs follow.

I quickly found that I could sprint much faster than I could as a human, which was all well and good, but it posed another problem…how the hell do I stop?

I didn't think it would be that big of problem and just simply tried to stop moving. Big mistake. I may have stopped, but I had too much momentum, sending me somersaulting forward into a tree.

I slammed into the trunk and barely had time to recover before I heard a loud buzzing noise overhead. Snapping my head up, I found myself staring into the eyes of an angry beedrill.

"…oh shit."

(End flashback)

Since then, it had apparently called for back up, as I know had sum 50 angry beedrill tailing me, all launching poisonous barbs at me. I had to consider myself lucky that I was only hit a few times. If this works the same way as in the game, poison stings have a thirty percent chance of poisoning, and then I'll start hurting every time I try to move. If that happens, I'm gonna be royally screwed.

I did my best to try some evasive maneuvers, but as I tried to dive in and out of the trees I nearly stumbled over my own paws and decided I should just stick to flat out running. I seemed to recall that back in my world, bees stopped chasing you if you get far enough away from their hive. I just had to pray that it worked the same way.

All of the sudden, I saw I was quickly approaching a river. It wasn't all that big, but it would definitely slow me down to swim across. Still, knowing that stopping was out of the question, I leapt into the air. I had expected to hit the water, but I had forgotten that my legs were ten times as powerful. So what should have been a quick dive in and exit turned into a humungous leap to the other side.

"Whoa whoa WHOA!" I screamed as I landed harshly on my front paws and began somersaulting yet again. However, instead of a tree, this time I barreled into something furry. It yelped as we both crashed into the floor.

When I finally stopped and scrambled back onto my feet, I saw a Leafeon brushing shaking itself off. However, I didn't stick around to apologize, as I could still hear an ominous buzzing sound in the distance.

"Hey, where are you-WAAHHH" It screamed in a high pitched voice.

I turned my head to see that it was now charging forward, away from the swarm and catching up to me. Pretty soon, it was right up next to me. From its voice, I was just going to assume it was a girl.

"N-not that it really m-matters right now," She said whilst gasping for air, "b-but why is there a swarm of angry pokémon chasing us." I guess I had knocked the wind out of her or something because she could not finish that sentence.

I growled, which startled me a bit, because honestly, I didn't even know I could do that. "Run now, answers later."

She nodded. "R-right…follow me, I h-have an idea."

She took the lead, which was probably best, as I didn't know where the hell I was going. She veered off to the left, causing me to stumble a bit, but I was able to keep up. "Where are we going?"

"Like you said, answers later."

I didn't really like being kept in the dark, but as I felt another barrage of poison stings, I decided to keep my mouth shut and trust her.

God, what I wouldn't give for a can of Raid right now.

After a few more minutes of running, the trees suddenly gave way to a rocky valley. She started mumbling something which I couldn't really make out, but it sounded something like "Please be home."

We were soon coming up on the bottom of a cliff with a large cave in the side.

"K-KAEL, ARE YOU HOME!"

A few seconds passed before anything happened, but as we neared the cave a magmar poked its head outside.

"The hell…Lily, what'd you get yourself into?"

We both dove behind him as I yelled. "Don't ask, just fire."

He gave me a glance that clearly meant "Who the hell are you?" but still turned and shot a large flamethrower at the swarm of beedrill. Even standing a good 10 feet behind him, I could still feel the heat radiating off of the attack and the swarm quickly made one of the quickest u-turns I have ever seen.

The flames erupting from his mouth began to sputter out as the rest of those infernal insects began to disperse. However, not even skipping a beat, he turned around and shot me a glare.

"Alright, two questions. One, who are you? Two, what are you doing dragging my friend into trouble?"

I had to bite back a smirk. I don't know how accents work in this world, but he had a _huge_ southern twang. Still, I had a feeling I was in deep shit already, and laughing at the guy who just saved your ass is a quick way to gain enemies.

"Look, I didn't mean to-"

"I don't care what'cha _meant_ to do. D'you have any concern for other people at all. You could have-"

"Um, e-excuse me." The Leafeon, who I'm guessing was Lily, spoke up, making me realize that her stammering was more than just from loss of air.

We both turned our heads to face her as she was looking at the floor uncomfortably. "It's…n-not his f-f-fault."

The magmar sighed. "Damn…look at what'cha did, you got her stuttering again."

I rolled my eyes. "You're the one who started…whoa."

I started feeling really weird midsentence. All of the sudden, the room…er…cave started spinning and I found it hard to stay on my feet.

"Shit…kid, how many times were you stung?"

I tried to speak, but found my throat was closing and I had to scream just to have the answer come out in a quiet rasp. "I…don't know…like…twelve."

"Crap…that ain't good." He said as my vision faded to black. The rest of their conversation was too distorted for me to make any sense of it.

…something about an audino and pecha berries…

…

**Ok, so, as usual, comments are welcome whether they be positive or negative. **


	3. Logan vs The Recovery

**Welcome back everybody. Once again, this is (insert name here) with another new chapter.**

**Tanon- thanks again for the corrections, and yeah, I'll start looking for a beta reader, but until I pin one down, I'm going to continue writing. (This story is too much fun to stop)**

**Archshadow- you know, some pokémon I just imagine having different accents, but now I have to add British haunter to my list because that just fits so perfectly ^_^**

**Anyways, once again, thanks to everyone who's read or reviewed, you've convinced me that this isn't such a bad idea after all.**

…

"God damn it…not this again."

It wasn't long after I passed out that I found myself back in that weird abyss, making this the third time in a row that I've woken up in a different place then I fell asleep. One more time and it would have broken the record I set back when I was sixteen and my parents left me alone for the weekend with the liquor cabinet unlocked.

Although, I'm really not sure if this place should count. Whether it's a dream or a space between worlds or something else that I can't understand, it's not really a place so much as a lack there of…but I digress.

There are two things I've noticed since I've been brought back to Arceus' lava lamp. One, I'm human, which I will never take for granted EVER again. Two, I'm not dead.

…or maybe I am, but I'd like to think on the bright side for once in my life.

Either way, there was no way I was leaving before giving that damn jackal a piece of my mind.

"You called?"

I nearly had a heart attack as I spun around to greet said creature, who had his arms crossed and was giving me disappoint glare. I was about to yell at him but he beat me to it.

"You know, I didn't go through all the trouble of bringing you here so you could be killed by a bee sting."

I blinked in disbelief. "You kidnapped me…turned me into a freaking pokémon…dropped me in the middle of nowhere…and _you're_ mad at _me?_ Fuck off!"

He crossed his arms and rolled his eyes. "Alright, fine, I deserve that. But you do have to admit that what you did was stupid beyond belief."

I narrowed my eyes. "If you didn't want me to get myself killed, you shouldn't have abducted me in the first place. Now send me back before I kick your ass!"

I did my best to give him a threatening glare, but he was giving one right back and it was far more effective than mine. After a few moments of our staring contest, he sighed and took a step forward. "Hit me, then."

I was a bit taken aback by that. "Wait…what?"

He glared at me. "Hit me. Get all of your anger out, because I'm not sending you back. You can spend this entire time beating me to a pulp and I won't stop you, but it's not going to change anything."

I stood there, looking into his eyes to see if he was kidding or just trying to make a point, but I could tell that he was actually being serious. So, I gave an indifferent shrug, and then slammed my fist into the side of his muzzle. He barely even winced.

I followed up with a knee to his stomach, which made him stumble backwards a bit, but failed to knock the wind out of him like I had hoped.

He cracked his neck and then returned his gaze to me. "Finished?" He asked, as if nothing had even happened.

"Almost." I responded before driving me foot in between his legs.

That time…he went down.

He dropped to his knees, curled up in that awkward feeble position that everyone seems to do after getting hit in the nuts. I knew it was a cheap shot, but, come one, this guy deserved it.

He slowly, and unceremoniously, got back to his feet, but kept a straight face the entire time. I smirked, feeling much calmer now, even though I still hated my situation. Seeing I was finished, he took the chance to speak.

"Look, kid, I'm sorry I had to bring you here, I really am. I didn't have a-"

"Save it." I interrupted. "I'm not interested in an apology. I want an explanation of why I'm here and a way home. If you can supply me with either, then go right ahead."

He nodded. "Indeed I can, but I not right now."

I raised an eyebrow. "Which one are you referring to?"

"Both."

"…son of a bitch…can I at least ask why not?"

He smirked. "Come on, you play a bunch of video games. What fun is it if everything is revealed right from the start?"

"So the only reason you're not giving me an explanation is to piss me off?"

He shook his head. "Kid, I think I've screwed with you enough for one lifetime. I have my reasons, OK."

I gave a sigh with an added eye roll. "Great. What _can _you tell me?"

"I'm not going to mince words with you…I want you to fight in a war."

My eyes widened at that. I knew that what would normally happen in the game would involve beating the shit out of a bunch of pokémon, but it was just now sinking in that I would probably have to do the same. "I'm a journalist, not a fucking soldier!"

"I wouldn't call flaming everything that's thrown on your desk being a journalist." He stated with an eye roll.

"That's not the point," I said, clenching my fists, "the point is that there are plenty of people better suited for this type of thing than me."

"Let's get something straight, kid. I didn't single you out specifically, so don't go acting like I have something against you. Pulling people through the gate is like reaching into a grab bag, you never know who you're going to get."

I shrugged. "Ok, but why were you reaching into said fucked up grab bag in the first place?"

"The other side has humans fighting for them too. I was just trying to level the playing field."

I did a double take at that last bit. "There are others here?"

"All on the opposing side, unfortunately."

"God damn it…alright, so what am I supposed to do, just go enlist somewhere?"

He shook his head. "Sorry, doesn't work that way. When you wake up, just stay where you are, when the opportunity arises, you'll know."

I mulled over all of the information in my head. _Join an army, win a war, go home…yep, I'm gonna die here._

The lucario groaned. "Do you ever stop being pessimistic?"

"A pessimist is what an optimist calls a realist." I shot back.

"…and you just stole that from Mass Effect."

"How the hell did…" I started, but trailed off, knowing that I was never going to understand this person…er…dog….thing.

"The correct term is jackal." He pointed out.

"Yeah yeah yeah, whatever. When do I wake up? I'm getting tired of staring at your ugly mug."

"Less then a minute…listen, I really am sorry." He tried to apologize.

"No you're not." I stated bluntly. I know I haven't heard his side of the story yet, but as far as I'm concerned, this guy was on my permanent "shit list".

Regardless of my unpleasantness, he tried again. "..If there's anything you ever need, just talk to me. I might be able to help."

"Well, some opposable thumbs and the ability to walk on two legs would be nice." I answered sarcastically.

He growled. "Anything else…"

Not really thinking about what I was saying, I blurted out the next thing that came to mind. "Is there any music in this dimension?"

He thought for a second and then smirked. "Actually, I might be able to help in that department."

"Great, where can I-OUCH" I was interrupted by the feeling of something pricking my rear.

"What the hell was that?"

"You're waking up." He answered, even though the question was rhetorical.

"What do you mean I'm-"

* * *

><p>"OW….mother fucker." I mumbled through a mostly swollen throat. I half-opened my eyes and looked around.<p>

Well, I broke my record. This is the fourth time in a row I've woken up in a random place.

I looked around a bit and saw that I was in some sort of hut. One, tiny, cramped room took up the entire building. As for the room itself, there wasn't much in it. Just a few decorations, a table I was laying on and…

Oh, fuck.

Standing on the other side of the room was that southern magmar, and boy did he look pissed.

"Finally awake, huh. Boy, you got a lot of explaining to do." He said whilst crossing his arms.

I choked down a laugh as I was reminded just how thick his accent was, causing a twinge to go through my sides, but I feel it was much less painful than getting punched by a magmar.

"K-Kael…p-please. I-It was an accident." Came a familiar stutter as the Leafeon from earlier came into view.

I opened my mouth to say something, but I felt something stab at my ass, so all that came out was a yelp.

"Whoever is prodding me back there, would you mind stepping off for like two seconds?" I snarled. Despite the fact that I could barely move, I managed to tilt my head downward to look behind me and found an audino poking at my hind quarters with a scalpel.

She turned to face me with a harsh scowl. "Would _you_ mind dying of blood poisoning?"

I flinched. "…very much so, yes."

"Then shut you're trap, a-hole, and let me do my work."

I cocked an eyebrow. "A-hole? What are you, two?"

"Swearing is for the weak minded." She explained, obviously referring to me.

"Well, in that case, I'm effing sorry for offending you." I responded rather sarcastically.

"You know, it's not wise to mock the one who's helping you, especially when they have a knife so close to your genitals."

I flinched back into my regular position. "Ok, I'm sorry." I blurted out. "It's just…been one HELL of a day."

"Apology accepted, now stop squirming, I've only got four more to go." She responded, still a bit peeved, but much less psychotic.

"Good," said Kael, "Just enough time to get some answers."

I growled in annoyance, but wasn't in the position to object. "Fine, what do you want?"

"Well, let's start with the basics. Who are you, where did you come from, and why are you here?"

…Crap…I really should have thought of a back story. Something tells me that revealing that I'm a human isn't going to fly as well as it did in the video game. Well, I suppose I could always pull the amnesia crap. Cliché, yes, but there's a reason why uncreative authors always use it. It means you can keep going with the story without creating any solid background.

Ok, insert overused plot device…NOW.

"Well, I can answer one of those questions. My name is Logan. As for the other two, your guess is as good as mind."

He cocked an eyebrow. "'Scuse me."

"I woke up in the forest without any clue how I got there, and I can't remember much of anything."

He crossed his arms suspiciously. "Explain exactly what you mean by 'much of anything'."

"Well…I can remember some stuff, mostly just a few details about myself, but as for the big stuff…I don't know."

He rolled his eyes. "Great…waited three damn hours for nothing. Forget it, I'm goin home." He shouted as he walked out the door.

"Geese, what a dou-OW." I yelped in the middle of my swear word, and was pretty sure the audino did that on purpose just to stop me from cussing.

The leafeon came around the other side of the table. "I'm s-s-sorry about h-him. He h-has a t-temper."

"Right…I know the feeling." I mumbled.

"I-I'm s-sorry you c-can't remember anything. I-Is there anything I c-can d-do to help?"

"No. Thanks though." I said as I shifted uncomfortably. Why was she stuttering so much? Was it me? I can't stand being around people like this, it just makes me feel so awkward. I knew it was rude, but I just couldn't stand it any longer.

"Listen, not to sound like a jackass, but, do I make you uncomfortable or something?"

She flinched at the question. "W-what?"

"Well, not to seem like an asshole, but you haven't stopped stuttering since we met and-OW-GOD DANG IT YOU'RE DOING THAT ON PURPOSE!"

She responded by yanking the last two in quick succession causing me to hiss in discomfort. "Stop being rude, this girl saved your life. Now be thankful."

"I-it's fine, Grace." She said, trying to defend me. She took a deep breath to calm herself and began speaking much more clearly. "I've had that problem for a while now and it just keeps getting worse. Whenever I get frustrated or nervous…basically anything that gets my heart rate up, and, like you said…it's been a hell of a day."

I cocked an eyebrow, as normally shy girls don't swear, but quickly forgot about it and nodded. "Right, sorry for dragging you into that."

She smiled at me reassuringly. "Don't be, if you didn't run into me, who knows what could have happened."

I shuddered at the thought. "Yeah, guess I got pretty lucky."

"Must be fate." She giggled.

I chuckled at that, mostly because I believed she wasn't far from the truth. I was about to continue our conversation when I was interrupted by the audino who had finished her work.

"Right, you'll be fine. You just need to rest for the next day or so, which means you're not leaving this room." She stated.

I groaned. "Seriously?"

"Don't complain," she said with a glare, "You _should_ be dead."

I gulped at the lack of emotion in her voice. I may not have known her for very long, but I have no problem saying, that bitch is crazy.

To add to her list of mood swings, she smiled politely towards Lily. "Come on Lily, I'll buy you dinner."

I was about to protest, but she already ran out the door. Lily turned back to look at me. "Sorry about her. This was supposed to be her day off." She explained. "I'll come visit you later, ok?"

"Sure, see you then."

She nodded and walked out the door, leaving me wishing that I had something to do.

_Man, what I wouldn't give for my IPod right now. I can't believe I'm actually saying this, but I wish I finished my conversation with that Lucario. He was talking about music before we ran out of time._

**(I've never felt so sober, I've never felt the low that I feel tonight)**

My eyes widened as 'Out of Time' by 'A Day to Remember' started ringing in my ears. "No…fucking…way!"

As soon as I spoke, the music stopped playing, so I decided to test this random occurrence a few times.

_Give It All_

(**Break through the undertow, your hands I can't seem to find!)**

_Chaos_

**(complications, my claim to fame, and I can't believe there's another-)**

_Mahna Mahna_

**(Do doooo do do do)**

I smirked, which soon turned into an excited grin. "Screw it…I LOVE THAT FUCKING JACKAL BASTARD!"

* * *

><p><strong>Alright, before anyone goes saying that cramming an IPod in Logan's head was a stupid idea, let me remind you…it's a parody. I had to give him at least one random power that makes no sense at all. Don't worry, I won't go ramming lyrics down your throat. I hate it when an author just has the main character randomly start singing a song that has nothing to do with the situation. Every time I see that I imagine the author jumping up and down going "LOOK AT ME, I'M DEEP AND MEANINGFUL!".<strong>

**I crammed an IPod into his head for two main reasons.**

**1) for the sake of a running joke.**

**2)an excuse to have battle music (Although I won't be interrupting with lyrics and will only list the song suggestion when the fighting starts).**

**There's only one time I will use it otherwise, and I swear it will fit in the story and make total since.**

**Anyways, how'd you like the third chapter? Good, bad, boring, exciting, anything constructive at all, I'm all ears.**


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